EROTERITE

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EROTERITE

Free Sex Stories, Romantic, Sensual, Erotic Publishing & Adult Community

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PetLucyOffline

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    DampKitten
    @megan
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    PetLucy wrote a new post

    Friday Night Fun

    This has been a week from hell. My husband and I had been fighting the last few days over the stupidest things. I knew this was partially, okay, mostly my fault. I had been taking out my frustrations on...

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    • P.L.
      This is fantastic. You had me all the way through this. Beautiful surprise ending and oh so erotic! I love the second person narrative once you get to the bar. It’s very engaging.

      For a more formal approach, you might shelf the YOU:ME: stuff in front of your dialogue and just blend in the discussion as you would in any short story or novel. This isn’t actually a script, so you don’t need that kind of delineation. I noticed you were using present tense frequently in your piece. That’s difficult to hold throughout a story, so your verb tense bounces around. I’d change the whole thing to past tense. It’s easier, and you don’t have to think about it as you write. Just a few thoughts, but this is magnificent. A really entertaining story with a nice twist.

      • Thank you very much DK. I love the constructive feedback and I will definitely keep a lot of this in mind. I do tend to write in the present tense, kind of like a running fantasy which means I usually have to go back and try and fix the tenses and I know I usually miss some lol. I think this is the only story I’ve ever used you/me in and I’m not even sure why I did it that way lol. If I get around to editing it again, I will definitely fix that. Thank you again and I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading it!

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    PetLucy wrote a new post

    Mutual Pleasure

    I walk in the bedroom to find you lying naked on the bed, masturbating. You know I have voyeuristic tendencies so I’m sure it was no accident that I caught you. I stand there in the doorway, watching you,...

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    • Such a beautiful and erotic moment! Well penned. Great imagery.

      “I’m grab an extra pillow and maneuver my body so that I’m lying back, facing you,” – This is like the fourth paragraph down, and you might correct it

      • Thank you for reading it and I’m glad you enjoyed it! I will try and fix that. Thank you for catching. I appreciate all the feedback.

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    PetLucy wrote a new post

    Journey to Submission

    She looks at the digital clock on the nightstand next to the hotel bed. 6pm. She has one hour to go before he is scheduled to arrive. She unzips her suitcase, grabs her toiletries bag and heads into the...

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    • So, this is by far the most erotic story of yours that I’ve read. Isn’t that interesting, since there is no actual sex – just the allusion to it. Your maturity as a writer shines through by just the way you left this…anticipation. It’s a tease, and it’s fab. It’s perfect … except, it would be so much more powerful in first person narrative.

      Unlike your bar story, it was pretty obvious from the beginning this would not be her husband. I like that too. If you could think of a twist, that would be something.

      • Thank you! And I’m glad I am not the only one who thinks erotica means there has to be sex in it for the story to be erotic. One of the few stories that I’ve written that wasn’t in the first person narrative lol. I look forward to seeing your comments as I continue to post here.

    • The context of erotica is so much more important than the sex you describe. You already know that..

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Friday Night Fun

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